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Movement, Mindset and Mindfulness

Ideas and tips

15 Tips to Help with Public Speaking

7/11/2016

1 Comment

 
Or how I went from shy kid to running workshops for a living
 
Your stomach is churning, your knees are trembling, your palms are sweaty. Familiar feelings before speaking in front of people? So many of us are or have been scared of public speaking, even just thinking about it can fill us with fear.  How many of us have felt these feelings and thought ‘I wish I was more confident’, ‘I’m so nervous, ‘I can’t do this’ or ‘why am I so rubbish’? In this article, I’m going to share 15 things I have discovered to help with these feelings and thoughts and, if you don’t already, to help you even enjoy public speaking. Yes, really.
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​​Recently, I won a pitching competition at Entrepreneurial Spark. Well, when I say won, I was put through to the finals with 7 other businesses. But it felt like winning, especially when I look back at how far I’ve come with speaking in public. Through most of school, I was the shy quiet kid who avoided speaking in class at all costs. I believed I couldn’t do it and if asked to read a book out aloud, I descended into a red, hot shaky mess of embarrassment and fear. This continued into adulthood, where being made to do presentations at work was plain awful. I blushed, shook, put my head down and got through it as quietly and quickly as possible. Public speaking was just bad and I couldn’t do it.

So how did it change? How is it that I strangely enjoy speaking in front of people now? In short, I’ve learnt from others, experimented and tried different strategies. I haven’t got it entirely nailed. Indeed, I’ve got much more to learn, and yet I am a long way from where I used to be.  Here are 15 things that have helped me and people I have worked with:

​1. What are your worst fears?
What is it about public speaking that really scares you? Find a way to talk about this that feels safe, e.g. speaking to someone in a supportive environment. What are you frightened of? How likely is this to happen? How would you cope if it does happen? For some, acknowledging our fears, giving them a reality check and building up our coping skills can help us let them go.
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​2. Make friends with your fear
Changing your relationship with fear can have a huge effect. How many of us have felt our fear, then decided that means we can’t do something?  A game-changer for me was hearing about how many huge celebrities feel incredibly scared before performing, but go on stage and do amazing performances anyway. In fact, the fear we feel before we speak in public situations can feel very similar to then feeling of excitement and can actually help us perform better.
​Using the helpful words of Susan Jefferies brilliant book title, can you ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’?

​3. Prepare Prepare Prepare
My first reaction to doing a pitch was ‘I’ll wing it, it’ll be fine’. And it might have been, but luckily I was encouraged to prepare. This has been a revelation for me. Even though I instinctively don’t want to practice, the more I practice, the more confident I am. And the more confident I am, the more I can focus on the elements below, which make my speaking stronger and better. Although, I’ve heard people say if we prepare too much, we can become too wooden (I don’t think I’ve reached the  point of over-preparation). Experiment – work out what level of preparation works best for you to give you the optimum level of confidence. And whilst you’re practicing, use the mindset of imagining yourself being the best you possibly can be.
 
4. Wear your best underwear
Wear an outfit that makes you feel really good. Whether this is your lucky watch, your favourite shirt or your best underwear, something you associate with feeling great. Wearing something you associate with good feelings on the outside can help you feel good on the inside.
 
5. Music
Lift your energy before you start – can you listen to something that makes you feel really good? Whether through earphones or just in your head? Eye of the Tiger? Starship, Nothing’s Going Stop Us Now? Choose something that fits your music taste and makes you feel amazing.
 
6. Breathe
You’ll hear this a lot with Office Om, but breathing is amazing.  Not only does it keep you alive, we can use it to change how we feel, for example, before and during speaking to others. Try taking a few deep breaths into your belly before you speak to calm your biological stress-response system. Take intermittent slow deep breaths throughout your performance to keep the oxygen flowing and for dramatic effect. Focussing on your breath can help refocus your mind.
 
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7. Ground yourself in your senses
Before it’s your turn to speak, ground yourself physically – e.g. spending a moment to feel your connection to the floor or chair. Notice what you can see, feel or hear to ground your mind in the here and now. If you find your mind scattering to unhelpful places, bring it back to something that is happening right now. I find looking at the sky before I speak really helpful – taking my mind to an open space helps me let go of any worries I have. What can you connect to in the present moment that helps you feel grounded? 

8. Speak from the heart
************WARNING - SKIP THIS POINT IF YOU DON’T LIKE THE FLUFFY STUFF************

As you speak, imagine radiating energy outwards from your heart or your ‘heart chakra’ if you so desire. This can help open your chest physically (see the next point), but can also make you sound more passionate, if that is a desirable outcome. Sounds strange? Give it a go and see if it works for you. 
PictureShoulders could be more back and down here, but you get the idea
9. Posture
Have you noticed how confident people stand? Shoulders are back and down opening up the chest. Not only do confident people stand like that, but if you stand like that, you feel and look more confident. If you haven’t watched it yet, watch the brilliant TED talk by Amy Cuddy which explains some research to back this up. For any yogis out there, think Tadasana – feet are grounded, legs are strong yet soft, chest is open and the crown of the head is ascending to the sky. Improve the way you stand and you will improve the way you speak. 

10. Being self-conscious
I remember when ‘self-conscious’ seemed like a criticism, until I deconstructed the words. Self-Conscious; being conscious of the self. Often if I have lost the plot when speaking, it is when I have been over-conscious of myself e.g. worrying about my cheeks going red and criticising what I’m saying.  Whilst we do need to think about what we’re saying when we’re speaking, being overly self-conscious can be shifted to being conscious of what is going on around you. Try shifting your consciousness outwards and see if it helps. 

11. Going gently on yourself
Noticing what you are saying can slip into unhelpful self-criticism. When I have noticed myself blushing slightly and thought about it so much that I’ve gone really red. The inner bully can then come out ‘look at you going red, you’re rubbish’. Those thoughts aren’t helpful are they? Try going easier on yourself. I find that it helps to tell myself ‘whatever happens it will be ok’. Developing that inner-compassion towards ourselves, which is a key part of disciplines such as yoga, types of counselling and mindfulness, can be really helpful whilst speaking publically.  What thoughts are helpful for you? 

12. Notice things you enjoy as you’re speaking
Notice moments, however big or small, where you’re feeling good. Moments, however short or long, where you’re really in the zone.  Moments, where you feel connected with your audience. Is someone nodding as you speak? Can you see some smiles out there? Focus on these good feelings. 

13. Come back to the here and now
If you find yourself criticising yourself or noticing ‘bad’ things as you're speaking? Can you see people sitting looking grumpy with their arms folded? Maybe they’ve had a bad day. Maybe they’re actually really interested and that’s their interested face? If you notice any unhelpful thoughts whilst you’re speaking, try to mentally put them on one side and bring your mind to the present moment, 

14. If it bombs
Great, you gave it a go. Well done to you for trying. And it bombed? So what did you learn from this? What can you do differently next time? Is thinking about it helpful? Can you get feedback from anyone who could help things go better next time? Doing presentations, pitching, public speaking can be like going on a date:- you’ll either have a good experience, or a good story and an opportunity to learn for next time. 

PictureYou did it
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15. So you’ve done it, yay!
Notice the good feelings of having done it.  How about giving yourself a reward. Whether you thought it was amazing or terrible, what would you like to happen now? Whether it’s a cup of tea, night off presentations or a Ferrari, choose according to your budget, needs and what would make you feel good. 
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What will work for you? We are all individuals and different things work for different people. You can experiment with these points and see which ones help the most. Have you got anything to add? Please add to the comments below. And join Office Om’s mailing list to hear more tips including movement, mindfulness and mindset inspiration. Wishing you luck for whatever you’re saying.

1 Comment

I Love Stress

1/11/2016

4 Comments

 
I love stress. It’s brilliant. And not just because much of my work is based on stress. Let me explain.
 
Now first, I acknowledge that stress can be painful and toxic. And it can cause physical, mental and emotional problems. Just to clarify, I do not love that people are in pain and suffering due to stress.
 
I also recognise that life tends to chuck a load of stressful stuff at us and, sometimes, we just can’t change what’s going on. For example, bereavement, broken relationships, toxic work environments; I do not love the painful curveballs that life throws our way.
 
However, some stress can have benefits. Without any stress, life can get boring. Indeed, a lack of stress can be toxic. I’ve counselled people who are signed off work due to workplace stress only to find that being at home with nothing to do is more stressful. A certain amount of stress can keep life interesting. Useful stress, I do like.
 
However, the thing I really love about stress is it can help us to find treasure in life that we might have not found otherwise.
 
If my teenage years were less stressful, I may not have found the inner wealth of yoga.  Had I not had an extremely stressful life event in my early 20s, I would not have found a career I love in counselling. If I had not had a stressful job, I would not have discovered the wonders of office yoga. Had I not found motherhood so stressful at first, I might not have appreciated the benefits of practicing mindfulness (sometimes) in every day moments and built up skills in asking for help and self-care. Not that I would have chosen for any of these painful things to happen. However, stress can have hidden benefits.

I see so often in stressful situations people find hidden coping skills in themselves and come out stronger.  Indeed, what I often see in my clients, is that even when they can’t do anything to change stressful situations, they can change how they feel within them, and in doing so, they often find super-powers that they never knew existed. The super-powers of changing our inner state to change our outer state. Therein, lies the treasure of stress.
 
And for that reason, I have grown to love stress.
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4 Comments

What a difference a year makes

23/10/2016

0 Comments

 
Do you ever come home with tight shoulders, headaches or feel a bit grumpy? Well I’ve been there. I was working long hours, putting myself under huge pressure to exceed targets, then studying and extra voluntary work as well. I had pains in my neck, shoulders and wrists from sitting at the computer all day and was not in a good mood. Meanwhile, I was having one lovely calm hour a week in a yoga class which made me feel brilliant, but only for a little while. And I didn’t connect the two. Until, someone suggested to me moving more at work. Ding – an idea - I Googled ‘Office Yoga’ and found out it really was a thing.
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You know that feeling when you know exactly what you want, but can’t find it anywhere. At work, I happened to have a small budget on a team organising fun stress-busting events in the Office and thought this would be a great opportunity to bring in some office yoga classes. Only, I couldn’t find anyone who taught office yoga anywhere. I was enjoying the benefits of practicing myself – just easy stretches that can be done at a desk throughout the working day. These simple things were making a massive difference. I knew this was something I wanted to help others with and I consequently trained as a yoga teacher.  Sometimes, as they say, if you want something doing, you need to do it yourself.
​Meanwhile, I had been doing counselling as a hobby outside of work and was becoming fascinated by the places that counselling and yoga overlap. I was also learning how improving mindset and practicing mindfulness can have a huge impact on everyday life. The idea of Office Om was born – a fusion of all of these things.
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​This idea lived in my head for years before I began to manifest it into real life, putting it on pause whilst I became a mother. Then, after the birth of my third child, it seemed totally the right time to bring my fourth baby, Office Om, into the world too. I ran my first workshop this time last year and this blog post is to celebrate. Since then, I’ve run workshops for various organisations, such as The Intellectual Property Office, Cardiff University, Admiral and Natwest Bank. I’ve had loads of positive feedback with 100% of participants to date saying they’d recommend Office Om to colleagues.
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​I was also lucky enough to achieve a place in Entrepreneurial Spark, a brilliant business accelerator.  Through them, I’ve been encouraged to take part in some customer discovery - actually speaking to customers - hello! Through this, I’ve been re-shaping what Office Om offers. For example, I now offer shorter workshops of just 30-45 minutes which staff can do on their lunchbreaks and these are proving really popular. I’m also starting to offer services to individuals with Office Om’s first workshop for individuals running in Pen-y-lan in Cardiff in December (click here for details).
​It’s exciting to see the power of wellbeing interventions to reduce stress and help people thrive, particularly at a time when so many people and organisations are investing in their own wellbeing. I’ve got so many ideas of how I’d like Office Om to grow and I’m really excited for the next stage of the journey. And yes, I still get tight shoulders, headaches and get a bit grumpy sometimes, but now I have a whole toolkit of things that help.

​If you’d like to see where Office Om goes next, please click on this link to join the mailing list and follow Office Om on Twitter (@OfficeOm) and Facebook (www.facebook.com/officeom).  Thanks so much for being with me at this stage of the adventure.
0 Comments

10 Ways to Improve Your Mental Health

9/10/2016

3 Comments

 
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Hello, to celebrate World Mental Health Day here's Office Om's first Blog. Do you ever feel stressed, overwhelmed, anxious or low in energy? Or maybe you feel generally pretty good and you want to feel even better? Here’s ten tips from Office Om to help look after your mental health.

  1. Talk talk talk talk talk about how you’re FEELING. Feelings can be pesky things when we keep them inside. And how often do we have this conversation: “How are you?” “I’m fine.” And it is fine to have this conversation. But it’s SO important to speak about how you’re feeling as well sometimes. I’ve seen first-hand in the counselling room how often just speaking feelings out loud can have an incredible transformative power. And if someone is telling you how they feel, listen, really listen, they may really need you to just to hear them. Anyway, how are you?
  2. STOP, yes that’s right, STOP what you’re doing every now and then. Just check in with yourself, at intervals during the day, and ask yourself what you need. A cup of tea? A stretch? To close your eyes for a minute? Paying attention now and then to what you need in a given moment can be incredibly powerful for your mental health.
  3. Get moving. You might have heard the phrase ‘sitting is the new smoking?’ It’s getting easier for our lives to be increasingly sedentary and this can prove harmful both for our bodies and our minds. Whether it’s going for a walk in your lunchbreak, hoovering, dancing in your kitchen or some office yoga, moving can make us feel so much better. How can you move more today?
  4. Gratitude. Think of one thing you can be grateful for today? How do you feel when you think about this? An attitude of gratitude has been linked to good mental health. Try listing things you are grateful for once a week and see how your mood improves.
  5. Bring your mind to the here and now. Often if we aren’t feeling so good, our minds are stuck in the past or in the future. You may have heard of mindfulness, the practice of deliberately focusing our minds in the present moment in a non-judgmental way. Whilst this could be (and will be) a whole Office Om blog post in itself, just try noticing when your mind drifts to the past or the future, and gently guide it back to the present moment. Notice how this makes you feel.
  6. ​Building relationships. Good relationships have been linked to good mental health. Whether you are feeling lonely or feel you have millions of people in your life, we can all do something to improve our relationships with others. What one thing could you do to improve a relationship this week?
  7. Ask for help. We all need help sometimes. I used to think I was Miss Independent and it has taken me years to realise I do need to ask for help. Whether that’s help from people around you or professional help, recognise when things are getting too much and ask for what you need from someone who is able to give that to you. You have a right to ask.
  8. Does something need to change? Sometimes, however much we are looking after our own mental health, external factors can cause problems. Whether it’s bereavement, a difficult work situation or a printer that’s jammed. What, if anything, can you do to help yourself with this situation? Who else can help you? Sometimes whatever we do internally, external action is needed.
  9. Karuna –compassion. Many of us have an internal critic who has a special talent in telling us what we do isn’t good enough or needs to be different. Notice how you are feeling when you listen to this critic. There is a yogic concept called Karuna, meaning compassion, which is echoed in different forms of counselling. Developing an internal compassionate voice can be a welcome alternative to our critic. What can you say to yourself today to be more compassionate to yourself?
  10. Try a different perspective – sometimes we can keep things in our heads and see the world a certain way, which can keep our thoughts trapped in a certain space. If something is stuck in your head, try seeking out a different perspective. Talk to someone you wouldn’t normally speak to about it. Or write about it and see how things look then. Try looking out of a window when you think about it. Sometimes looking at the world in a different way helps us feel better.​

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​So what works for you? Share your ideas in the comments below, and like Office Om on Facebook (www.facebook.com/officeom) or follow @OfficeOm on Twitter for more inspiration in the future.​

Cathy Bailey

I'm a qualified counsellor and yoga teacher who's founded Office Om, to help people decrease their stress and increase their wellbeing, using a mixture of mindfulness, office yoga and wellbeing. I love helping people by teaching simple strategies to help them feel great.

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    Founder of Office Om, BACP registered counsellor, Yoga Alliance 200hr trained yoga teacher, Mental Health First Aid instructor and promoter of making  daily life just that little bit better.

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